Dear Attempted "Smoothie" Dinner Diet,
You were an epic fail. I really thought this would work since you, (a) taste delicious, (b) you are filling--or so I thought, and (c) I have lost the desire to cook. Turns out only (a) and (c) are actually true. The ice cream and brownies took care of (b). Guess I'm just not that great about depriving myself.
Dear Parents,
Could you please do a better job of teaching your kids about editing what comes out of their mouth? Just because someone looks tired doesn't mean that has to be the first thing out of your mouth when you see them. Just because someone's hair doesn't look awesome doesn't mean you have to point it out. If I had a nickel for each inappropriate/rude comment I got in a week, well, let's just say I wouldn't need to have a day job. [Disclaimer: I'm fully aware that you probably do teach your child this, and they're just being a child. If they listened and acted upon every lesson you ever taught then my kids would be geniuses.]
Dear Spring,
Hurry! I cannot wait to plant some flowers for you!
Dear Spray Tan,
I'm so glad you're on me. I forgot how much better I look with a tan. I could almost get away with not wearing a full face of makeup. (I thought I could until I got the "you look tired" comment.)
Dear Jamie,
You should probably be cooler so you can have more to write about in your Friday's Letters.
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