10 Things I've Learned as a Working Mom
1. Lunch breaks spent at the gym has become a laughable thought. Prior to becoming a mother, I could often be found at the nearby Pure Barre during my lunch hour. The thought of that happening now is more comical than Chelsea Handler's Instagram feed. Lunch breaks now consist of hooking myself up to a bunch of tubes to produce baby food while stuffing my face with enough food to produce a food-baby. But I guess the end results are the same, 500 calories burned. Take that Pure Barre!
2. There's no such thing as date nights. If you read mommy blogs or parenting articles, you know the importance stressed about making time for your spouse. But as working parents you already sacrifice your days with your child to go to work. You certainly don't want to give up a night, too. Our solution to this is date lunches where we each come home to lunch together. As I mentioned earlier, I'm hooked up to a bunch of tubes and stuffing my face at this time. Mmmm, romantic.
3. If you look really hard, you can find elastic-waisted dress pants. They do exist. Granted, they are as rare as a four-leaf clover, but again, you can find them if you look hard enough. Maternity pants ruin you for regular clothes. You get to spend 9 months of your life in the softest, stretchiest pants that were ever manufactured--you can't just go back to muffin-top producing pants cold turkey. It's not like riding a bike; it doesn't come back to you that easily. The best part is no one can tell that you and your baby basically have the same pants on. True story.
4. Coffee never tasted so good. If there's one thing we invest good money in around our home, it's good coffee. Well, that and good diapers. Well, those and good beer. Yep, those might just be our top priorities in the purchasing department. Never underestimate the power of a strong cup of Joe; it isn't quite the equivalent of a full night's sleep but it'll do.
5. Sacrifices have to be made. I'm not talking about time with your child; everyone knows that's an obvious sacrifice for the working mom. No, I'm talking about with your appearance. I can either spend my finite amount of time in the morning doing my hair or doing my makeup. You can't get both; there's only time for one or the other. Well, that's not true. You can get both, but I'm going to be late. Also, my child will still be in his pajamas. True story--I felt so triumphant the other day because I managed to do my hair and makeup and I was projected to arrive early to work. When I dropped August off at daycare, one of the little girls asked the daycare worker, "Why does August still have on his pajamas?" Triumph deflated. I had to stop myself from sitting down to teach the little girl a life lesson about making choices and the consequences of each choice made. The conversation went a little something like this in my mind. "Well, little girl, I chose to look like an actual professional at my profession today, and as a result, August gets to spend the day in his puppy-feeted pajamas. Just think of him as the class pet and cut me some slack."
6. Your house will look like a hoarder's home that just got struck by a tornado. As I sit here typing this, I'm looking around. The ratio of square inch of carpet to clothes/shoes/bibs/blankets is about 1:30. There just isn't enough time in the evenings to wash, dry, & fold laundry. We've got the washing and drying part down pat, but folding and putting away is just over-the-top. Sweeping and mopping? Ha, you've got jokes I see.
7. You will take extreme precautions to keep your child well. You have to; maternity leave ate all of your sick time. No, you cannot hold my baby. Don't even think about giving him a kiss, and I swear, if I even so much as sense a sneeze coming on I will whip out a tissue and hand-sanitizer faster than you can say, "Achoo".
8. Buns, updos, ponytails, & braids will become your best friend. These hairstyles have two characteristics that are great for the working mom. They're fast, which is great since investing time in your hair is a luxury you can no longer afford. Secondly, they require a bit of texture to hold the style. This is great since actually washing your hair when you get in the shower is basically a crap shoot. Seriously, I've grabbed the shower cap a time or two since having a baby because there's just not enough time to wash it, condition it, towel dry it, & brush out all the tangles. I feel comfortable saying this because I am literally sitting here with a deep conditioning treatment in from HOURS before. Yes, the directions say to wash it out after twenty minutes, but who has time to get in the shower TWICE in one day? For some really cute and quick hairstyles, check out Twist Me Pretty.
9. Suddenly, processed foods don't seem so toxic. We used to pride ourselves on using fresh produce and cutting processed foods from our diets. After having August, I've weighed the probability and decided that an occasional meal of Hamburger Helper is most likely not the way we're going to die. Of course, we want to make his baby food ourselves using organic fruits and veggies. During the incubation period that sounded great. Now that he's actually here, well, let's just say I'm not holding my breath for that one.
10. You eat your words. We found out about our little one pretty early so we basically had 8 1/2 months to prepare for his arrival. We spent hours reading family planning books and discussing how we wanted to raise our child. Fast-forward to the present when our child is nearing 5 months old, and I want to take that stupid parenting book and slap my former self across the head with it. Ridicuslousness. We set soft rules for our unborn child and learned just how soft they were upon his arrival. One of these was that we didn't want him watching television. Turns out, he loves it so guess who gets to watch it everyday? In fact, I walked in the living room today to find him watching Sports Center all by himself in his Bumbo seat. Sometimes plopping him in front of a good football game is the only way we can get the housework done. Crow, anyone?
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8. Buns, updos, ponytails, & braids will become your best friend. These hairstyles have two characteristics that are great for the working mom. They're fast, which is great since investing time in your hair is a luxury you can no longer afford. Secondly, they require a bit of texture to hold the style. This is great since actually washing your hair when you get in the shower is basically a crap shoot. Seriously, I've grabbed the shower cap a time or two since having a baby because there's just not enough time to wash it, condition it, towel dry it, & brush out all the tangles. I feel comfortable saying this because I am literally sitting here with a deep conditioning treatment in from HOURS before. Yes, the directions say to wash it out after twenty minutes, but who has time to get in the shower TWICE in one day? For some really cute and quick hairstyles, check out Twist Me Pretty.
9. Suddenly, processed foods don't seem so toxic. We used to pride ourselves on using fresh produce and cutting processed foods from our diets. After having August, I've weighed the probability and decided that an occasional meal of Hamburger Helper is most likely not the way we're going to die. Of course, we want to make his baby food ourselves using organic fruits and veggies. During the incubation period that sounded great. Now that he's actually here, well, let's just say I'm not holding my breath for that one.
10. You eat your words. We found out about our little one pretty early so we basically had 8 1/2 months to prepare for his arrival. We spent hours reading family planning books and discussing how we wanted to raise our child. Fast-forward to the present when our child is nearing 5 months old, and I want to take that stupid parenting book and slap my former self across the head with it. Ridicuslousness. We set soft rules for our unborn child and learned just how soft they were upon his arrival. One of these was that we didn't want him watching television. Turns out, he loves it so guess who gets to watch it everyday? In fact, I walked in the living room today to find him watching Sports Center all by himself in his Bumbo seat. Sometimes plopping him in front of a good football game is the only way we can get the housework done. Crow, anyone?
