Chivalry: On its way to Extinction

I love the concept of chivalry. As a single woman, it’s one of the items on my “wish list”. I believe it’s important, or at least, it’s important to me. But as I look around, I can’t help but wonder, is it dead? And why is it dead or at least well on its way to extinction? I believe it’s one of two things: it’s not being taught or it’s not being accepted.

               One of the perks of my job is that I get the pleasure of being around young people for the majority of my day. I watch my little boys jump in front of little girls, make sure they get a seat for themselves in a crowded room, and leave the door closing in the face of a another person. Case in point: My three female coworkers and I were tailing up the lunch line today. The last little boy opens the door and I immediately start to praise him for being a young gentleman, but before I could get it out, he walked on through. This is the most polite child, and yet he continued on like it shouldn’t even be considered. Was I offended? Absolutely not. Was I disappointed? I was. I don’t know if parents aren’t teaching it to their children because they believe it’s an old-school concept or if it’s just falling by the wayside because they’re too busy teaching them other concepts. Maybe they’re being taught but they’re at the age where they just don’t care. It’s not exactly like my 12 and 13 years olds are out trying to get a date. But the fact of the matter is that whether it is dead or not, chivalry is fleeting.

               After considering young people, I considered adults. I am a single woman, and I encounter chivalrous acts on the majority of my dates. But then I got to thinking, how often do I accept the chivalrous offers. The answer: not a lot. Why? Feminism and its effect on society.

               I have never thought of myself as a feminist. I believe my Baptist upbringing accounts for this. I was taught that the man is the head of the house and family—because the Bible, the ultimate written authority, says so. A lot of women have a problem with this because our society and our own flesh tell us that we should be given equal responsibilities. But I say to you that if the man holds up his end of the bargain and loves a woman as he should then he will treat her as he should and, theoretically, the woman is happy to let the man be the head. (I say theoretically because often times the man doesn’t hold up his end of the bargain. Sound like anyone you know? ;) )

               Even though I am not a feminist, that isn’t to say that some of its ideas haven’t worn off on me. For example, I do not let the guy pay every time that we go out. I don’t like it, and I think it’s unnecessary. Not because I assume he thinks I can’t afford it, but because I think it’s an outdated tradition. Yeah, if this was the 30’s and I probably didn’t have a job and lived with my parents because I am an unmarried woman then I would expect the guy to pay each time. But this is 2011 and I do have a job. It’s not fair to expect the guy to pay each time when I am perfectly capable of picking up the tab every now and then. Why should he have to pay to spend time with me and I get to keep all my money to do whatever I want with it? I understand where the idea came from and how it would definitely apply back in the day, but it’s not applicable anymore.

               And if it’s not feministic ideas killing chivalry it’s self-preservation. I was grocery shopping the other night and it was FREEZING!!! Any passerby could easily tell I was trying to load my bags into my car as quickly as possible because it was so cold. A guy passing by stopped and asked if I needed some help getting my groceries in my car. It totally blew me away--especially because he was wearing shorts. I politely declined, thanked him, and sent him on his way. I would have felt guilty making that poor stranger help me with my bags when it was that cold outside, but I couldn’t help but admire his chivalry. Once I got into the car, I realized that I had definitely done the right thing. There was nothing menacing about this guys appearance. He looked like a clean-cut attractive college guy. But my mom always told me that Ted Bundy was a good looking guy, too. Even though there were no alarms going off, a lot of killers and/or rapists offer a helping hand before they attack someone. Who’s to say this guy wouldn’t have attacked me? Probable? Nope. Possible? Yep. It’s unfortunate that you have to always be on the defensive nowadays, but it’s necessary.

               So whether it’s because of feministic ideas or self-preservation, a lot of times chivalry is not well accepted. Just like everything else, if you get denied over and over again eventually you will quit trying. I can’t really blame the guys.

               So yeah, I think chivalry is a dying art. However, those guys who do practice it definitely get extra points in my book.